Confusion

Why is it that one of the three people that are consistently actively trying to be a part of my life is gay. One of 2 of the men is Gay. I have nothing against gay people. They just confuse me and they understand that a relationship is give and take. There are so many fucking people out there that you pour time and energy into that you hope will come around but in the end you are just disappointed because all the time and energy that you put into them are lost and they will not invest that back into you. It is like a cold slap in the face. There is a gay man out there that is willing to house, feed me, be there for me emotionally and has called me on his own accord a great deal of times because he wants to invest into me. I cannot say that it doesn't feel good to be chosen to be wanted by someone. Although I am sure that this relationship is not the best for me. And relationships I have had with men like this have let to forced sex. I don't like being taken advantage of but, in the end I am extremely lonely and people just don't pursue me. I had visions of cutting my wrists today because I am so fucking confused. I really just wish a had a man who was pure that invested into me as much as I attempt to invest into them.

Fact: Men don't want to be vulnerable. It seems like they hate going deep into emotional things. Once I start to get emotional, whoa hold the horses don't go there man. Find a tree, that will be able to comfort you better in your weakness than any man. Men are weak when it comes to emotions. They can put up walls and facades of being able to get over them and to control them but really deep down inside they are swimming with confusion.