Life

Life continues to not show favor on me. Not going to be rude or trying to spite anyone with my next statements. But, I really don't want to be here in the world any longer. As people in my life continue to grow further away from me the easier the transition to the next dimension is becoming. Half of you have said it before that you would have killed yourself if you had to go through what I went through. Personally I really want to. This is not a cry to get fucking attention. This is not a plea to make you feel bad for me. Hell I am only here right now for other people, but most of those fucking people don't really care. As humans we all want to be cared and loved. People sure as fuck care about me and they show me the only way they fucking know how. (Danny and Greg) With them I at least had some sort of identity, even if it was their fucking bitch. Hell I actually was a prostitute for a year or so. Now getting out of that shit hole all I know of myself is I am a fucking emotional mess that no one knows how to deal with or really wants to. I don't know what to fucking do anymore. I can't seem to get my fucking life together. I can't seem to hold onto relationships. I can't seem to get deep with anyone else. I sure am one hell of a piece of work. That has recently been told I don't even know how to lead the people I lead well. Gay men touch me more often than straight men do. They talk to me about more things then straight men do. Straight men cannot deal with emotions, they are so broken they don't know how to have relationships, they are so insecure they can't physically touch another man, and so thick they don't even notice these things about themselves. In my opinion they are fucking scared.

-Chad